Ridin’ On the Gravy Train

Vindication is sweet.  Or in this case bittersweet with an emphasis on the bitter, because I’m not savoring the taste of this correct call that I made way back when Nick Jonas went solo.  At that time, I predicted that the Jonas Brothers, either as a band or as a brand, would never again be anything but a means to a Disney/Jonas Group moneymaking end.  I sensed it, my gut told me it was coming, and I hated it. And what do you know, here we are.

Lots more to say after the jump…

The Jonas Brothers have long been a punch line.  They have long been seen as a Disney Creation.  But I always thought of them as more than that, and they themselves always seemed to be striving for more than that.  They seemed to be a young band that were using the platform which was available to them, but were somehow above all the mass-marketing of mediocrity that is the hallmark of the Disney Music milieu.  Or at least they seemed to want more for themselves, seemed to be artists who were destined for more, beyond their allotted span of Heartthrob-dom.  They certainly claimed so time and time again.  And indeed, their music was better, their talent was better, they themselves seemed to be better than the pack in which they resided. So I, perhaps naively in hindsight, believed that they were not staying with Disney solely for the money they could reap.  Lately however, I’m beginning to feel foolish, because more and more it seems that the Jonas Brothers are every bit as interested as Disney is in cashing in.  If that’s not true, then why is their new tour named Jonas Brothers World Tour 2010/Camp Rock 2 Tour? WTF? It might just as well have been called Disney Owns Jonas Brothers and Is Bankrolling Their World Tour 2010 In Order to Plug Camp Rock 2. 

To be honest, I don’t know why I’m surprised.  Because that’s just the sort of relationship Disney has always had with them.  It was always about trying to turn the Jonas Brothers into something that Disney had already made an obscene amount of money from, and hoping lightening would strike twice.  But I just never wanted to believe that Kevin, Joe and Nick were only interested in that too.  Even when the Mouse King tried to turn them into Hannah Montana with male genitalia, I was certain that the boys themselves knew better, and only wanted the opportunity to write and play music that was true to who they were.  But now I wonder if perhaps I was just taken in by their prodigious charm and “we’re just three guys from Jersey living the dream” self-deprecation and failed to see that the band of brothers was only ever about securing the exchequer for future Jonas Generations.  A noticeable lack of new music from them lately has me wondering.  It appears that Nick might be the only one who gets to make new music (with his new band, The Administration, though that may be a one-off given his solo CD’s lukewarm sales– His Mouseness is not amused by lukewarm sales) and that Kevin and Joe are happy to sing the old stuff ad infinitum, act in their TV series and spend the rest of their time working on…what exactly?  We hear rumors of music writing from Kevin and Joe, but I’m getting less and less inclined to believe in them. I mean, how would they even find the time, what with their heavy shopping, tweeting, vacationing, working out, and dating schedules?   And perhaps even that’s part of a grand scheme, to ultimately ease all three brothers out of having to make any music at all.  Someday no one will really remember that they ever did anything else but simply be sort-of-famous.  After all, groups of siblings have built entire careers on far less:  what about the Simpson Sisters, the Hudson Brothers, and my personal favorites, the Gabors?

I know, I know, perhaps I’m being too hard on the boys.  After all, why should they be any different or better than scores of other young, gorgeous, rich kids in Hollywood, just because I thought they were?  Clearly the fault is mine, for buying into their nobler-than-the-average young, gorgeous, rich kids’ image without looking too deeply at who was ultimately getting the payoff.  I always thought Kevin, Joe and Nick were somehow putting up with Disney as a means to an end, but perhaps all along they were really singing M-I-C-K-E-Y all the way to the bank.

 Lately, though their trips to the money vault must be undertaken to the strains of another soundtrack, as the Mouse King is now doing one heck of a rain dance in an attempt to draw sufficient voltage to turn Camp Rock 2 into High School Musical with Guitars instead of Basketballs. We’ve had the unveiling of the Joe & Demi (or Jemi if you prefer, though I’ve always been partial to Demoe myself) relationship (or whatever it is) and are now being pummeled with it.  Joe and Demi are clearly supposed to be Zac and Vanessa–alright, I get it already.  I just wish Joe looked like he was having a better time, I’d feel more comfortable with the pimpage.  Demi at least looks happy, though whether that’s because she’s madly in love with Joe, or just madly in love with the idea that if Camp Rock 2 blows up she’ll finally be more than a Disney second-tier stalwart, I can’t say. 

And this concert tour is certainly a golden opportunity for the rest of the Camp Rock 2 cast.  All those poor supporting kids who’ve been stuck in Disney b-list purgatory since Camp Rock are going to be touring the world singing numbers from both Camp Rock movies, finally getting to strut their stuff.  Does this scenario sound familiar to anyone else?  Perhaps you are not the proud owner of a High School Musical: The Concert DVD, but I am.  I’ve been there, done that with my kids, and I know what this Camp Rock 2 concert will be like.  No more microphone stands for the Jonas boys, good thing they already have those wireless mikes they bought for last year’s tour.  Who knows, maybe they’ll even ditch those pesky guitars so that they can dance! 

But I have news for the Liege Rodent.  All the hype in the world, and believe me over the next Four (!) Months that’s what we’ll be subjected to, will still not turn Camp Rock2 into High School Musical 1, 2, or 3.  Nor will all the Live Chats in the world, with the brothers oh-so-sincerely telling us that this concert will still be AN AWESOME JONAS BROTHERS SHOW WORTH EVERY PENNY, make me believe them.  If Kevin, Joe and Nick honestly think I’m going to shell out $90+ to see them sing old music and Camp Rock tunes , then they’re not the shining examples of the benefits of homeschooling their mother wants them to be.  Nope, I think I’ll have to give the Jonas/Camp Rock tour a miss.  The basically ho-hum nature of Camp Rock’s story, characters and music cannot be compensated for, even by as much money as I’m sure will be thrown at this concert’s production values.  And since I’ve been listening to the Jonas Brothers old music for more than 2 years now, what is there, really, I would want to see? 

But I’m not terribly worried that it’s my last chance to see the Jonas Brothers in concert.   I’ll just wait a little while, and I’m sure I can catch them once they open their theatre in Branson, MO.  That way, after I see them, I can see Bill Medley, Jim Stafford and Yakov Smirnoff too.

[via: Fanpop.com (photo)]

Advertisement